You know when you know that something is just not right? But you stuff it down, because you don’t want to upset things… then you start to feel panic, stress, fear, and a number of other emotions that get you so tied up you can’t even remember that you knew?!? What if avoiding what you know, avoiding the awareness, avoiding rocking the boat, actually makes the boat sink deeper?
This is where I was almost 10 years ago. I knew that something had to change in my life. I knew that deep down I wasn’t happy. I knew that I had gone so far off course for me, that I could not take another step further. Yet I didn’t want to rock the boat. In everyone else’s eyes, my life was a success. I had a lot to be grateful for. How could I risk changing that? I could lose everything. This is one of the foundational principles of divorcing you: To have the awareness of something, and refuse it.
I remember Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, would say, “you have to be willing to lose everything to have everything.” And the willingness to lose everything does not mean that you have to lose it all, just that you’re not attached to the outcome. The tool he often referred to that would facilitate this freedom was called, Interesting Point of View. IPOV for short.
When you take a point of view you can’t see any other possibilities, and you start to gather evidence to justify your having the point of view in the first place. Feels kind of heavy as I type it out. Can you sense that too? Anyway, the way to become free is to have the ability to see all points of view, not just the one you defend. So when you are aware of something that sticks you, something that you can’t seem to let go of, just take a breath and say to yourself, “interesting point of view I have this point of view.” Take another breath. Allow a little space to open up. Then repeat it again 2-3 times. “Interesting point of view I have this point of view.” Breathe. Now, is there a much greater sense of space, peace and ease in your body and in your mind? (If not, keep repeating the process.)
As you practice IPOV, you will notice that things don’t trigger you the same way, and eventually, you may not even have a button to be triggered. From this space it is easier to look at your life from observation. You begin to include you in your choices, rather than exclude you to maintain a certain course. You might be more willing to rock the boat and see what shows up. You may even begin the adventure of living.
When you have taken the helm of the boat there is no fear, and a little rocking along the way is part of the fun. You can live each day as a continual, expansive adventure. “Who am I today, and what grand and glorious adventures will I have?” When you are not divorcing you, you may find that you’re more comfortable asking, “What else can I change?”